Puzzle Pieces

I remember the horrible feeling that came over me when the counselor told me that i was 10 units short and that I was not going to graduate from high school. I had already sent out the invitations and now I had to call everyone and tell them never mind. Not only that, I had just found out that I pregnant, but that secret didn't come out until much later.

I had to work at a day center for 6 weeks to earn the units, so eventually I did receive my diploma but I didn't get to wear the cap and gown or walk with the rest of my class. Before the year had even started, I was too busy fucking around that I never got to take my senior pictures, so my pic wasnt even in the year book. For the last 17 years I felt like I had been working on a gigantic puzzle and I had an important piece missing and it was no where to be found.

5 years ago, I met my wonderful husband and we started running our care home. I was always talking about returning to school and becoming a paralegal. Law has always been a passion for me, but when I wanted to return to school when I was married to my first husband, he didn't want me to become a paralegal, he said that school would take me too long. He convinced me to get my child development certificate because it would only take me two semesters as apposed to two years. I would find work faster. I personally think that he didn't want me to succeed, but oh well im not with him anymore.

So one day Joe and I were talking and he told me that now is the time for one of us to return to school and that if I wasn't going to, he was. The next morning, I let him sleep in and while he was out, I snuck off and registered at the local city college, COS.

My first intention was just go in and in 3 short semesters,I would get my paralegal certificate, but after talking to my counselor I found out that I only needed about 4 classes to finish my AS degree, so I thought, what the hell I might as well stay and finish the whole thing.

It wasn't too bad at first so I decided to go full time...yeah right, I did that for two semesters and became overwhelmed. I felt like dropping out, but I didn't, I rested over the summer and went back part time. Everything was going great until I had to take a class with Dr.Faller again. I never had a problem with her, I thought she was amazing woman and she liked me. I got A's in my first two classes with her and everyone said that I must be bad a ass because it is hard to get an A in her class. Some people thought she was a bitch, I just thought she was a hard ass. But one day in class, we were assigned an assignment to find a application at the court house. My friend Olga couldnt find the website and it was the night before it was due. So sent her my copy of the application. I had erased all of my information but I forgot that there was a second page. So when Olga turned in the assignment for herself, she didnt change any of the info on the second page and submitted it with my info on it. I submitted my assignment early because I wasn't going to be in class, a few days later, I received an email from Faller asking me to come to her office. When I got there, I saw the side of Faller that everyone had been talking about. She said that I cheated and let Olga copy from my assignment and that I was lucky that she wasn't going to turn me in for cheating and have me kicked out of the program. I didn't know what to say, all I could say was that I was only doing what she said for to do and help our fellow paralegals because finding information online can be very hard and we need to stick together. She said that I needed to stop making excuses and take responsibility for my mistake, because at a law office, I would have been fired to sharing personal information. Now come on, Im not stupid, I would never share personal information from a law office, but she wouldnt let it go until I said that I was sorry and promised that I would never do it again. I felt like I was five years old again.

Faller said before I left her office that once I walked out that door, as long as I didnt cheat again, that I never had to worry about hearing about it again. That everyone is entitled to make mistakes and the slate is cleared from this point on. I still walked into the class room each week with my tail between my legs, because I made Faller mad. But what Faller said was bullshit, every time I was given an assignment or had to turn one in, she would say to me, did you do this on your own or make sure you do this on your own. What happened to once I walk out that door, all was forgotten? By the end of the semester, I was ready to quit. I told Joe that I didnt want to finish school anymore. That I just wanted to run the facility. But Joe didn't let me quit and deep down, I really didn't want to quit either.

As part of my paralegal requirements I had to do 120 hours of internship. After what happened with Faller, I did not want to do those hours. I really didn't want to be yelled at by anymore attorneys. So I wanted to quit the program and just get my AS degree but I only needed 2 more classes, so Joe kicked my ass to keep going and I did. I ended up doing all 120 hours at the Family Law Facilitators helping people fill out there child custody, visitations, and even divorce papers. I had a blast, I made great friends and I knew that I was in the right place, doing what I was born to do.

So now here I am in my final semester. I had to take my English class again because I didn't do so well the first time. So when it came time to mail out my graduation announcements, I was so scared that I was going to have a repeat of last time, having to call and say nevermind, im not graduating. I even sent my English teacher an email asking him if I safe and was going to pass the class this second time around, he reply's with "Well, the only thing that is certain is uncertainty. I would say behave as if this is not true and the odds of it being true improve." WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN? WHY COULDN'T HE JUST GIVE ME A YES OR NO ANSWER...LOL. Later on, I explained to him why I was so scared and he apologized for his crazy answer.

So now Im standing here in my cap and gown, waiting for the gates to open so that I can finally walk with my class and hear them call out my name. I was worried that I was going to cry and mess up my make up but I didn't. Instead I raised my hands with my devils horns and screamed as I walked to my seat. Then I screamed as I walked to the guy who's hand I was supposed to shake, and then screamed again as I walked back to my seat. The entire time I was sitting through the speeches and the other students having there time, I was texting my family who were sitting in the stands. My daughter telling me how proud she was of me and especially my husband telling me that he too was proud of me, but I also told him that I couldn't have done it without him.

It feels really good now that I'm finished. I can't believe that I am a college graduate, it seems so unreal. I don't think it has really hit me yet, it probably won't until its time to start the next semester and I won't be going back. But that is ok, I had my turn, its now time for my wonderful husband to have his time. Joe has been absolutely amazing through these last three years, taking on most of the responsibility of the facility while I did homework, but now it is my turn to take over the house while Joe works on his homework.

Its now my turn to work on the books and clean the house. And wouldn't you know, just as I move the sofa so I can vacuum, I look down there it is...that dam PUZZLE piece. Its always in the last place you look.

Don't call my mama a bitch

Do you remember when we were young and some kid called your mama a bitch and our response was "Don't call my mama a bitch, only I can call her a bitch." I remember those days, I may not have liked my mom at the time (long story) but there was no way in hell, I was gonna let you call her a bitch. Hells no...lol.

Well the other day, me, my daughter and my son were at the salon getting our hair done. Yes my son too, he has long curly hair and he gets a relaxer so that it will straighten out...Anyways, my hair dresser Kelly starts to tell us this story about her youngest son, Jabari, getting into trouble at school because he called another little boy a Faggot. At first, I thought that she was going to say something about how she could not believe her son would ever say something like that, but as it turns out, she was upset because her son's white teacher gave him detention. I just sat there in amazement as she went on to say that the little boy who Jabari called the name to, has been going around trying to kiss the little boys in his class and the one time he tried to kiss Kelly's son, he called the boy that name.

Ok I understand that here is Kelly's son freaking out that this little boy is trying to kiss him and yes by calling him that name was a reaction to his being uncomfortable but what I don't understand is why Kelly was mad at the teacher. One of Kelly's clients who happened to be there the night that I was there, is also a teacher at the same school. She proceeds to tell Kelly that the teacher who punished Jabari is gay.

My first question is, what does him being gay have anything to do with it? Well yeah, to be gay and then to hear Jabari use that word, must have been a shock, but most schools now a days have a no tolerance rule and they are cracking down on everyone. But what is the most upsetting to me is what Kelly said next....She said, "Well now I understand why he gave Jabari detention... he's a faggot too. Not that I have anything against gays, but why should he be mad if Jabari is only calling him what he is?"

I had to stop myself from going off. You see, Kelly is Black and my first instinct was to say was "oh so if its ok for Jabari to call the boy a faggot because that is what he is, then you won't be mad if that same boy called Jabari a nigger because that is what he is?" I didn't say that, I really really wanted to, but it probably wouldn't have gone over very well and Tavo and I still had the relaxer in our hair.

I honestly believe that if the other little boy had called Jabari that ugly word and all he got was a detention, Kelly would have been all over that school, pissed cuz that was all that he received as punishment. I think that it is bullshit that she honestly believes that it is ok for her son to say such things, but everyone else would be in the wrong. What is this world coming to?

I remember when I was in junior high and during P.E., this one black girl just kept fucking with me. To this day, I don't even know why she was but no matter what I said to her, she wouldn't stop. So I finally yell out "leave me alone you fuckin nigger!" and it worked, she stopped messing with me. Once we went inside to change, she told all her friends, which were also my friends. They all came up to me and asked if I said that. I said yes and told them how I didn't mean it towards everyone, only to her because she wouldn't leave me alone and they believed me, but for that quick second that I thought that they were going to kick the shit out of me, I swore never to say ugly things like that.

I try to teach my kids to love and respect everyone. I know that it is hard to do that sometimes, but if we expect the world to be accepting of others, we need to start at home. I have to say that I am very disappointed in Kelly and I'm having a hard time trying to decide whether or not to go back to her salon. I feel that if I continue to go to her for services, I am accepting her behavior. But is really hard to find someone who does a good a job as she does. what to do...what to do??