I remember that it was my mom's birthday and the kids and I went to her house for pizza and a movie. I noticed that my uncles dog, who my mom often watched when they were out of town, was looking a little on the chunky side. I asked my mom if she was pregnant and my mom said yes. I sat up with joy, Taco is pregnant. But not only is she pregnant, she is by moms wienie dog and Taco is a chihuahua. That means she about to have a couple of chaweiners.
For those of you that don't know, we already have one. his name is Chancho and he is one of the best dogs I have ever owned. So when my mom said Taco was pregnant, I called dibs on one of her puppies. I waited, one month goes by and I get the call that Taco had her puppies. 2 boys and 1 girl. I wanted a boy. I continue to wait. Another month goes by and my mom said that the puppies are just about ready to come home. So on June 12th, I call my aunt and ask her if the puppies were ripe enough to bring one home, she said yes.....I'll be right there.
I get to her house and I see the puppies, and they were all so dam cute. I wanted all of them but I knew that if I did bring them all home, Joe wouldn't have been to happy. So which one do I choose? And there he is, trying to hide in corner of the box that they had him. The cutest little guy I have ever seen, not to mention he's the smallest of them all. As I pick him up and start to walk away from the box, Taco is following me. when I stop to talk to my aunt, Taco is trying to jump up and find out where the fuck I was going with her baby. I looked down at her and petted her pretty little face and told her thank you for giving me this sweet little baby and that I promised that I would take good care of him. We named him Jefe.
A couple of days later, my mom calls to tell me that she has the other male puppy and that her neighbor was supposed to take him but he isn't home. She want to know if I could keep him at my house for a day or two until the neighbor is ready for him. Ok mom, but just for the day. Jefe and this other puppy were so happy to see each other. They started playing together and Jefe seemed to be happier. The next day, my mom calls again. The neighbor flaked on her and so did this other lady that said that she was interested. So what do we do, Joe is saying that we cant keep this puppy, but the kids are already becoming attached and Jefe was going to be so heart broken if we made his brother leave. "please Joe, can I please live here? I promise to be good and not poop all over the house? look how cute my face is?" Ok, he can stay and after several discussions on what to name him, we finally ended up with Benny....after George Lopez's mom the show. "You know what...I need a smoke and a beer!"
It has been a fun two months so far. watching the puppies play with each other, along with the big dogs. Chewing on everything they can get the teeth on including my socks, shoes and even a bra. We would be sitting in the tv room and the next thing I know, I see a tiny puppy dragging my shoe, twice his size to his bed to chew on. That shit was funny.
On Thursday this past week, Joe and I went grocery shopping. Joe grabbed a couple of chew toys for the dogs. Its funny, we will give all the dogs a toy and for some reason, they all fight over one....lol. Friday night, Joe noticed that Jefe was acting kinda funny, like he had no energy. Saturday morning, I had to wake up at 4:30 am to take one of our clients to work. I opened the sliding door for the dogs to go out to pee and Jefe just got up and started throwing up. He came back in and laid down on his bed. I took Steven to work and came home. Jefe was still in his bed but didn't look too good. I went online and just googled "my puppy is throwing up" and all this stuff about rawhide came up. I remember the chew toys we bought for the dogs and looked at the package. It said made from meat and rawhide....oh shit. It was the only thing different in their diet that they have had.
Every thing about rawhide online was 99% negative. It said that if a puppy eats too much, it can expand in the system and cause a blockage. FUCK!!!! So that entire day, I gave Jefe gatoraide. He was still throwing up. By the afternoon, he was walking around and even went outside to pee and would even walk over and drink water from their bowl. I thought, that is a good sign. By late in the evening, he was trying to poop. It was really runny and stinky but that means that things are moving around in there right? So its time to go to bed, my head is pounding and I cant sleep. All I wanted to do is hold him. Just hold my baby in my arms and tell him that everything is going to be ok. But I didn't, I just wrapped him in a towl and laid him in his bed in my room. I could see his big brown eyes looking at me as if to say "mommy it hurts" I know it does baby, just rest you'll feel better in the morning.
That was the first night that Benny slept in our bed in a long time. I didn't want him jumping all over Jefe, he didn't realize that Jefe was sick. About 4am, Benny woke up. I needed to take him out. When I looked over at the puppy bed, Jefe wasn't there. I assumed that he was under my bed, since it was one of his favorite places to be. I didn't bother him. But when I got back inside, I could hear a tiny moan. I got Joe's flash light and looked under my bed. There was Jefe, laying on his stomach but with face turned away from me. But every time he would take a breath, he would let out a tiny moan. I touch his paw....nothing. I touch his back...nothing. So I say his name and shake him....nothing. No tears yet....Joe? Joe wake up...Jefe is under the bed and he's not moving and I think he is about dead, can you check him? Joe does and pulls him out from under the bed. He tells me not to look. So I close my eyes. I don't know why he told me to, and even at this moment, I still don't know why. I asked him....was I right? Yes. Joe wrapped him up in the towel and took him outside.
The door closed and I layed down. I started thinking, Jefe was still breathing....so did Joe help him to pass or did he pass on his own? And also to this moment, I still dont know. All day, I wanted to ask, but how do you ask a question like that, but more importantly, do I really want to know? Joe, I know that you are reading this and you know what is best for me. Joe came back in and told me that the ground outside is too dry to dig a hole so he is taking him to the empty lot up the street. It was still dark outside and the kids were still asleep.
When Joe came home, I put my face in his shoulders and finally started to cry. It was at that moment that I realized, I mean really realized that my puppy was gone. My baby was gone. I made a conscience choice years ago to stop having kids and had had my tubes tied. I don't regret my decision but I still wanted in some way to have my babies. And when I no longer could see those big brown eyes, I then had a glimpse of what it felt like to lose a child. Now I know that losing my puppy can no way compare to loosing a child, but it doesn't make the hurt inside me hurt any less. I just laid in bed crying. I think I fell asleep from exhaustion but who knows. All I know is that when I woke up, tears were still falling. I closed them again so they would stop but it didn't help. I had my hand on my face still in shock and that was when it happened, Benny. Benny started licking my face. I opened my eyes and started to laugh, that little fucker....he reminded me that I still have my other babies.
It fuckin sucked having to tell the kids. And seeing them cry didn't make it easy for me. and anyone that truly knows me, knows that you cant cry around me and me not cry with them. But my kids are resilient, I took it harder than they did.
I am still not completely over it, I have been crying all day. My head is still pounding and my heart still hurts. But I know that it will get better soon. Death and rebirth....where ever Jefe is buried...I hope that some kind of life starts to grow there so that everyone is reminded that life goes on and how much joy that little guy gave in his short little life. I'll miss you Jefe. Veritas Pro Re Natura.
