Jefe....My sweet little guy

I remember that it was my mom's birthday and the kids and I went to her house for pizza and a movie. I noticed that my uncles dog, who my mom often watched when they were out of town, was looking a little on the chunky side. I asked my mom if she was pregnant and my mom said yes. I sat up with joy, Taco is pregnant. But not only is she pregnant, she is by moms wienie dog and Taco is a chihuahua. That means she about to have a couple of chaweiners.

For those of you that don't know, we already have one. his name is Chancho and he is one of the best dogs I have ever owned. So when my mom said Taco was pregnant, I called dibs on one of her puppies. I waited, one month goes by and I get the call that Taco had her puppies. 2 boys and 1 girl. I wanted a boy. I continue to wait. Another month goes by and my mom said that the puppies are just about ready to come home. So on June 12th, I call my aunt and ask her if the puppies were ripe enough to bring one home, she said yes.....I'll be right there.

I get to her house and I see the puppies, and they were all so dam cute. I wanted all of them but I knew that if I did bring them all home, Joe wouldn't have been to happy. So which one do I choose? And there he is, trying to hide in corner of the box that they had him. The cutest little guy I have ever seen, not to mention he's the smallest of them all. As I pick him up and start to walk away from the box, Taco is following me. when I stop to talk to my aunt, Taco is trying to jump up and find out where the fuck I was going with her baby. I looked down at her and petted her pretty little face and told her thank you for giving me this sweet little baby and that I promised that I would take good care of him. We named him Jefe.

A couple of days later, my mom calls to tell me that she has the other male puppy and that her neighbor was supposed to take him but he isn't home. She want to know if I could keep him at my house for a day or two until the neighbor is ready for him. Ok mom, but just for the day. Jefe and this other puppy were so happy to see each other. They started playing together and Jefe seemed to be happier. The next day, my mom calls again. The neighbor flaked on her and so did this other lady that said that she was interested. So what do we do, Joe is saying that we cant keep this puppy, but the kids are already becoming attached and Jefe was going to be so heart broken if we made his brother leave. "please Joe, can I please live here? I promise to be good and not poop all over the house? look how cute my face is?" Ok, he can stay and after several discussions on what to name him, we finally ended up with Benny....after George Lopez's mom the show. "You know what...I need a smoke and a beer!"


It has been a fun two months so far. watching the puppies play with each other, along with the big dogs. Chewing on everything they can get the teeth on including my socks, shoes and even a bra. We would be sitting in the tv room and the next thing I know, I see a tiny puppy dragging my shoe, twice his size to his bed to chew on. That shit was funny.

On Thursday this past week, Joe and I went grocery shopping. Joe grabbed a couple of chew toys for the dogs. Its funny, we will give all the dogs a toy and for some reason, they all fight over one....lol. Friday night, Joe noticed that Jefe was acting kinda funny, like he had no energy. Saturday morning, I had to wake up at 4:30 am to take one of our clients to work. I opened the sliding door for the dogs to go out to pee and Jefe just got up and started throwing up. He came back in and laid down on his bed. I took Steven to work and came home. Jefe was still in his bed but didn't look too good. I went online and just googled "my puppy is throwing up" and all this stuff about rawhide came up. I remember the chew toys we bought for the dogs and looked at the package. It said made from meat and rawhide....oh shit. It was the only thing different in their diet that they have had.

Every thing about rawhide online was 99% negative. It said that if a puppy eats too much, it can expand in the system and cause a blockage. FUCK!!!! So that entire day, I gave Jefe gatoraide. He was still throwing up. By the afternoon, he was walking around and even went outside to pee and would even walk over and drink water from their bowl. I thought, that is a good sign. By late in the evening, he was trying to poop. It was really runny and stinky but that means that things are moving around in there right? So its time to go to bed, my head is pounding and I cant sleep. All I wanted to do is hold him. Just hold my baby in my arms and tell him that everything is going to be ok. But I didn't, I just wrapped him in a towl and laid him in his bed in my room. I could see his big brown eyes looking at me as if to say "mommy it hurts" I know it does baby, just rest you'll feel better in the morning.

That was the first night that Benny slept in our bed in a long time. I didn't want him jumping all over Jefe, he didn't realize that Jefe was sick. About 4am, Benny woke up. I needed to take him out. When I looked over at the puppy bed, Jefe wasn't there. I assumed that he was under my bed, since it was one of his favorite places to be. I didn't bother him. But when I got back inside, I could hear a tiny moan. I got Joe's flash light and looked under my bed. There was Jefe, laying on his stomach but with face turned away from me. But every time he would take a breath, he would let out a tiny moan. I touch his paw....nothing. I touch his back...nothing. So I say his name and shake him....nothing. No tears yet....Joe? Joe wake up...Jefe is under the bed and he's not moving and I think he is about dead, can you check him? Joe does and pulls him out from under the bed. He tells me not to look. So I close my eyes. I don't know why he told me to, and even at this moment, I still don't know why. I asked him....was I right? Yes. Joe wrapped him up in the towel and took him outside.

The door closed and I layed down. I started thinking, Jefe was still breathing....so did Joe help him to pass or did he pass on his own? And also to this moment, I still dont know. All day, I wanted to ask, but how do you ask a question like that, but more importantly, do I really want to know? Joe, I know that you are reading this and you know what is best for me. Joe came back in and told me that the ground outside is too dry to dig a hole so he is taking him to the empty lot up the street. It was still dark outside and the kids were still asleep.

When Joe came home, I put my face in his shoulders and finally started to cry. It was at that moment that I realized, I mean really realized that my puppy was gone. My baby was gone. I made a conscience choice years ago to stop having kids and had had my tubes tied. I don't regret my decision but I still wanted in some way to have my babies. And when I no longer could see those big brown eyes, I then had a glimpse of what it felt like to lose a child. Now I know that losing my puppy can no way compare to loosing a child, but it doesn't make the hurt inside me hurt any less. I just laid in bed crying. I think I fell asleep from exhaustion but who knows. All I know is that when I woke up, tears were still falling. I closed them again so they would stop but it didn't help. I had my hand on my face still in shock and that was when it happened, Benny. Benny started licking my face. I opened my eyes and started to laugh, that little fucker....he reminded me that I still have my other babies.

It fuckin sucked having to tell the kids. And seeing them cry didn't make it easy for me. and anyone that truly knows me, knows that you cant cry around me and me not cry with them. But my kids are resilient, I took it harder than they did.

I am still not completely over it, I have been crying all day. My head is still pounding and my heart still hurts. But I know that it will get better soon. Death and rebirth....where ever Jefe is buried...I hope that some kind of life starts to grow there so that everyone is reminded that life goes on and how much joy that little guy gave in his short little life. I'll miss you Jefe. Veritas Pro Re Natura.

These pretzels are making me thirsty

You know, I still dont like the taste of shoes, but at least I know that I wasn't exactly wrong when I told my cousin off. As you read in my post "I never did like the taste of shoe in my mouth" I went off on my cousin for the way she was treating her sister. I went off on her and it turns out that the cousin I was defending was lying to me about everything that was going on. I felt so bad, that I cried, I love my family and I would never do anything to hurt them. But having said that, I'm finding out now, that maybe the things I said to her, I wasn't so far off.

Last week I took my Tia (aunt in Spanish) to have her divorce papers filled out and after we were done, she tells me that she needs to ask me something....I knew exactly what it was. She goes on to tell me that her youngest brother, who we all call Huero (which means white boy in Spanish) had been telling her that he had been to my house and he saw a "Wicca" book on my table and that I worship the devil and practice black magic. Hmm....what to do? What to say? I was pissed, but not for him saying that I practice black magic, but the fact that he is saying he has been in my house. There is no way in hell I would let that piece of shit in my house. Now I know that you are thinking, how can I call my uncle a piece of shit? Well he steals from my grandfather and he gave up his rights to his daughter so that he doesn't have to pay child support and he calls himself a man of God and wants to become a Pastor. He's a piece of shit.

So my Tia starts to ask if it's true about the "black magic?" I tell her, yes and no. That I practice magic but there is nothing black about it. Although, now I'm thinking about what I want to do to Huero. I was very careful on what I said to my Tia, I don't want to freak her out. And she didn't. But I had to tell her that he has never been in my house and that he is lying and if I found out that he was actually in my house when I wasn't home, I will call the cops on his sorry ass. She just looked at me and said nothing. But before I took her home, she was upset that he was lying about me.

So Ive been thinking, where could he have gotten the idea. Because I don't talk about my faith with my family. Obviously, they're a bunch of psycho ass christians....YES the scary kind. I believe that everyone needs some kind of faith in there life and those that don't have it have issues, but this part of the family don't need God, they need fuckin medication. Well the only thing that I can think of is about two semesters ago, I took an English class and half the time that I was there, I was hella bord, so I used to sit and doddle the HIM symbol (heartagram) all over my book and the next semester I learn that another Tia (the mom of the one I told off) is taking that same class and wanted to use my book. So I gave it took her. When I got the book back, all of my heartagrams were made into crosses.....lol.

So yesterday was Easter and I took my kids to my grandpa's house. I didn't want to go because I cant stand my family right now. Either they are talking shit about me or they are hating on Joe. Joe hasn't been to a family function in almost two years. Last time he was there, everyone except for my mom, my Tia, my brother and a few cousins, everyone ignored him and treated him like shit. Joe said that he wasn't going back and I don't blame him. I wish that I didn't have to go either. But my grandfather is 79 yrs old and I want to spend as much time with him as I can.

I wasn't looking forward to the drama and I was worried that if Huero and all the other fucked up in the head christians were there, that I might go off. I get there and so far....nothing. The family that was there were actually happy to see me...well almost all of them. So for those of you that don't know me personally, you know that I am always in black, and when I'm not its usually....fuck that you know that I'm never in anything else...lol. So I'm making the rounds giving kisses to all the Tia's and then I get to Tio Joe, biggest asshole of them all (this is a whole other blog) but I go to give him a kiss and before I do he says, "why are you always dressed like your depressed?" and I put my hand to my head and say "cuz my life is so depressing, OH!!" and just walked away as all my cousins laughed, went inside said hi to my grandpa went back outside to spend time with my family. He didn't talk to me the rest of the time nor did he talk to my daughter either. The pyscho christians never showed, they feel that it is more important to be with their church family than their aging grandfather. Hey that was good for me...no complaints here

It ended up being a great afternoon. That is the first time in I don't know how long that I actually enjoyed being there when everyone else is there. One of my Tia's, instead of hiding her candies, she just threw them at the kids as they looked for the other candies. It was great to see the kids bent over to pick up an egg and then get clocked in the head with a mini snickers....LMAO!!!

BTW...your probably wondering what the hell my title of this blog has to do with this post. Well it doesnt, when I was thinking of a title, George Castanza popped into my head. Blessings all

Do Witchdoctors really exsist?

So, I have been with my wonderful husband for almost 4 years now. In these 4 years, I have heard about his experiences in being a pipe carrier and living on the reservation. I have heard stories, from how to survive a snake bite to how crystals work. But except for some different stories about my grandmother and her folk remedies, I have never actually experienced anything.

Today, Joe and I were out early this morning dropping our client off at work. Joe saw this building that he wanted to check out so we stopped. We got out and walked around the building. I was wearing flip flops because I did not think that I would be getting out of the car. As I came around the back, I had to jump over this chin high bush but I didnt quite make it. My foot landed in the leaves and began to sting.

Holy fuck did it sting. I limped back to the car and looked at my foot. There didn't seem to be anything wrong with it but it fuckin hurt. I said to Joe "I don't know what I just stepped in, but that shit hurt." Joe turned to the infamous leaves a said "Oh that stinging Nettle" Well that fuckin explains it. while I sat there rubbing my foot, I remembered something that Joe had told me a long time ago. He said something about a plant that had "stinging powers" I remember that story because there was some thing kool about that plant, it had an antidote.

I said to Joe, "Isn't there like a plant near by that makes the pain go away?" Joe walked away for like 20 seconds and was back. He had a green leaf in his hand. He asked me to lift up my foot and he began to rub that leaf all over. By that time, there were a bunch of bumps all over the top of my foot. It looked like I had been attacked by a bunch of ants. As he continued to rub, my foot was turning green from the leaf, but it was starting to feel better. Then Joe says to me, "if I spit on it, the enzymes from my spit will help it to work faster?" Without thinking I said "Um yeah, if it will help the pain to go away." Joe proceeded to spit on my foot and rub it into the leaf rubbings....lol. I swear not more than a minute had past and I can feel the pain fade. not more than hour past and the pain was gone. The bumps took longer to fade, but as I write this, they are completely gone.

I have a ring that is a triple moon with an Amethyst for the stone. I never take it off. One day, I noticed that under were the stone sits, my finger was beginning to itch. Then it would turn red and become raw, so raw that I would have to take it off for a day or two so that it can heal. I would put it right back on and with in minutes, it started up again. I asked different people if they knew what could be causing it, but no one did. We went to the local lapidary and lady thought it was because I wear the ring on my power hand. That the stone could only absorb so much. So I took it off completely and gave it to Joe so that he could cleanse it for me.

He started at the Full moon, drained it every day during the wanning. At the New moon, he charged it every day of the waxing. By the next full moon, he gave me back the ring. Now you have to understand, its not that I didn't think that any of this stuff was real, but since I had never really experienced it for myself, I didn't know what to expect. I took the ring and put back on the same finger I had it on before. Waiting........waiting.....is it going to eat my finger again?

A few hours went by and nothing. its been 2 months now and the ring is still on my finger. Maybe there is something to this, maybe there is so much more for me to learn. Maybe there is such a person called a Witchdoctor, and I think I am married to him.